This is not a good time for me.

No job.
Still afraid of driving. And with no one I can trust to teach me without me becoming a bundle of nerves.
Internet is now coming out of the meager 80$ worth of housework I do for family every month
I'm constantly ill, and fatigued
My sleep cycle is fucked up, no matter what I do.
I'm probably not going to make the deadline for college this fall.
I have no real goals in my life.

And now apperently I'm the world's shittiest, neurotic, and hypocritical friend.

I'm stumbling this to you Sarah, and this'll automaicaly get to Michelle. I don't need to tell Hillary this because she's not going to care how I feel.

Recently I got a very large email from Hillary. It listed a hell of a lot of complaints about me. That I'm pushy, neurotic, demanding, hypocritical, and every other shitty thing. But it isn't just Hillary apparently. Its also Michelle and Sarah that think this.

Cept there's never a blip about it from them.

Now either they don't seem to think its a big issue, in which I basicaly just got bitched out due to Hillary's already distrustful opinion of me. Or else my best friends have been underplaying or hiding what they think are major flaws in my personality.

And frankly that REALLY hurts. It would be one thing if they'd come out to me when this was an issue. Fine. I don't mind being criticized. Sarah told me to stop calling me 20 times in a row. I limited down way more. In the last few times I've only called her once or twice a day. Its been three days since she answered a call almost.

BTW, Sarah has said that she's happy I call her. Which is infinitely more times then Hillary EVER calls her. So that was fucking hypocrtical for her to bring up. The 20 times was already talked out with Sarah.

As for the list, if either of you two want to read it, I'll email it.

Fact remains, if allof it really is as bad...No if ANY of it is that bad, then I feel extremely hurt. Not because you guys think it, but because you never braught it up. And because it means I've been too goddamn thick to realize what a fucktard I've been, what a shitty neurotic idiot I am.

I've tried to keep from ringing your phone off the hook Sarah. I know you're probably busy. But the longer I dwell on this, the more I circle between hating myself, then hating Hillary, then coming close to hating you and Sarah. All for different reasons.

I need a final answer. Did I really fuck up? Did Hillary stick her nose in and blow things out of proportion? Did you guys think it was all that bad, and felt you had to downplay or keep it a secret?

I'm miserable and I need answers, before I break down and do or say things I might regrette. I'm an imperfect and wrathful person. I don't want to end up hating anyone, be it myself OR you guys.

Please...Call me Sarah. I know you're around cause you answered a stumble. Be it 12:00 AM, 6:00 AM, noon. Whenever. Just call. I'll pick up.